About Me

I’m killing myself here.

I have a lot of ideas in my head for this blog, but I can’t think of a single clever idea for the title for my “about me” page.

First things first.  I speak figuratively a lot.  I don’t want anyone to go reporting my site because they think I mean that first line of introduction literally.  I don’t.  I also use sarcasm with extreme regularity.  Until someone actually designs a universally recognizable sarcasm font, try to keep up.  Someone tried to market a sarcasm mark once, but who would pay $1.99 for it?  Whoa!  Did you click the link?  It’s free dollars (for a limited time only)!  Curses!  It’s also not available for mac users at this time.  Figures.

If you are offended by something I write, assume I was being sarcastic.  If you are still offended, try reading it in a British accent and see if that helps.  Continue to assume the sarcasm along with dry, British wit.  If that doesn’t work, try reading it in James Earl Jones’ voice.  And if that doesn’t work, assume it was a personal attack.

Allow me to introduce myself.  You can call me Stubbs.  Nobody else does, so why shouldn’t you?  I have a stubby thumb.  Just the one, though.  I mean, I have two thumbs; both are opposable, it’s just the one is stubby.  It still works (otherwise how would I have typed my words with such even spacing?  Admit it.  The spacing is nice).

For the most part, I try to police my own grammar, but I know I make mistakes.  I apologize in advance for those mistakes.  Although, some mistakes are intentional.  Like this one.  I like to use sentence fragments from time to time when I think they make for better blog reading.  I still use two spaces after a period.  That’s because I learned to type on a typewriter.  I’m also a recovering comma splicer.  I like to insert that visual reminder to pause, even if it’s unnecessary, in order to make my writing sound more like my talking.

And I like to talk.  A lot.  Ask anyone.  Just say, “Does Stubbs like to talk a lot?”  And they’ll probably say, “Who?”  Because nobody calls me that.  Except for you.

I am passionate about a lot of things.  My opinions being foremost on that list.  I like to opine.  This blog will have a lot of that.  I was raised by a black-and-white father and a shades-of-gray mother.  Oddly enough, I see the whole world in technicolor.

People have told me I should write a book.  You can judge for yourself after reading my blog whether you agree with them.  Please keep it to yourself if you disagree.  I just barely embraced my stubby thumb as a unique part of my makeup rather than a grotesque malformation of nature (it wasn’t nature, by the way, it was nurture*).  I’m not sure how I’d handle the criticism of my literary prowess (see sentence one, followed immediately by paragraph 3).  At any rate, I decided against writing a book (for now) and thought a blog would be a better way to start.  I’d just like to say now that I was wrong.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to start one of these things?  Seriously?  And a book ends when the author says it ends.  A blog goes on forever.  And ever.  Or until you forget to renew the domain name registration.

Oh, my friend, what have we started?

Stubbs

*My mother accidentally closed my then five-year-old thumb in the hinge of a door.  It stunted the growth.  It also hurt.

25 Responses to About Me

  1. Wid says:

    Hello Stubbs!
    I hate sarcasm!
    I was all set to punctuate with the cited SarcMark, but my protection flagged it as malware. I guess it was protecting me from becoming sarcastic. Actually, I do appreciate sarcasm as a literary device, or tool of expression. I really only object when sarcasm seems to have taken over a person’s life. But I have confidence you can use it wisely and effectively. Looks to me that your blog is off to a good start. I look forward to compelling commentary!

  2. I’m volunteering to be a guest blogger someday! 🙂

  3. Ryan says:

    Awesome! Looking forward to following the Stubby Thumb!

  4. Boogs says:

    I find myself enthralled. I look forward to more commentaries on your experiences and opinions. Perhaps someday I can add something of worth to this blog. 🙂

  5. MJ Marlin says:

    I love sarcasm! LOL my husband tells me I use, what he calls, my pleasantly sarcastic tone a lot when deal with some people. Yes including him at times.

    I just read about your puppy party and totally enjoyed it. I threw a puppy shower for our two Shelties, Jake and Elwood, yes they are brothers, right after we brought them home.

    I am planning on throwing them a “5th” birthday party in September, it will be so much fun!

    • stubbs says:

      Welcome to The Stubby Thumb! I like it… pleasantly sarcastic. I’ll have to work on getting the pleasant part into my tone. =) I hope you enjoy the site.

  6. Sandy says:

    Looking forward to the results of the tests you are having done on the dogs to determine their breed. Its so awesome what you and many people are doing to bring these dogs to the US so they can live a happy, safe and peaceful existence.

    • stubbs says:

      Thank you! I am also looking forward to the results, but I don’t expect to see them for quite some time. If I keep my expectations low, there’s a much better chance of having them exceeded, right?

  7. Donna Loudermelk says:

    Hello Stubby, me and some friends have an appointment to come to the clinic tomorrow night at 8.00 . I’m looking forward to it, I have heard about the place from a friend. I just hope nothing follows me home, LOL. I watch ALOT of the Hauntings and paranormal shows. Donna

  8. Wes Stinson says:

    One of my favorite t-shirts says – ” National Sarcasm Society – Like We Need Your Support” I think I am going to love TST ! (and so far I do)

  9. travis shetter says:

    Absolutely love the Tardis bed! I live in a studio apartment with a murphy bed. If it were a Tardis I’d probably never consider moving, unless I were one of your 50 dates and we clicked:) But seriously, you did an incredible job on the bed.

  10. LauraB says:

    Hi Stubby,
    I just love the Tardis Murphy bed!!! I also love sarcasm!!! I also love Exclamation points!!! LOL I also have dreams of a great blog, full of information and (completed) projects and…and…and…(I also love “…s”). I started one, (I put the link above) but it’s just a blank page…I can’t, for the life of me think what to fill it with!!! I’m not sure I’m organized enough…STRESS!!! I just want to copy and paste most of your “about me” info, cuz it’s just what I’d wanna say about myself…lol
    Anyway, just wanted to say kudos on the Tardis! I like your style and sense of humor!! =)

    • stubbs says:

      Thank you so much, LauraB! I hope you get started on your blog. That really is the hardest part… until the hard part becomes finding time to finish all the drafts you start. But thinking of things to write gets easier. Best of luck! I’ll keep watching your link!

  11. Alan Brand says:

    OK, so I found your blog because of your TARDIS Murphy Bed (which my daughter now expects me to build for her!) … and then I read about your dogs and thumbs and knew that I had to share this with you: How to draw the World Famous Thumb Dog.
    Enjoy!

  12. Joanne says:

    You are hysterical! I hope you do decide to write a book. I would buy it!

  13. Schinamama says:

    While on vacation in Australia I was shopping for knick knacks and stubbled upon a t-shirt that caught my eye. I bought it immediately and presented it to my husband who wore it for the rest of the trip.
    Sarcasm
    Just another service I offer

    He’s very good at it and so are you.
    Looking forward to reading your blog.
    Love the Tardis bed.

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