47 First Dates

I am now three for three for dates who would like a second date.  This trend could get complicated.  If only I wasn’t so likable.

I was feeling hangry on Friday night; drama between Mister Spacely and Dr. Claw at work all week had taken its toll on me and I was not particularly thrilled to be going on a date at all.  I ditched work that afternoon and took myself to see Captain America:  The Winter Soldier.  [SIDENOTE:  If you haven’t ditched work to see a movie lately, I recommend this one.]  Unfortunately, for all it’s awesome (and the added bonus of The Monkees playing on the theatre speakers in the lobby), it still wasn’t quite enough to rejuvenate my spirits completely.

When my date originally asked me out for Friday evening, he offered dinner or “something”**, but by the time I was available, dinner was the most viable option.  It took twenty minutes to coordinate our meet-up because he was [apparently] terrified of selecting the wrong restaurant.  We didn’t play a game of I-don’t-know-what-do-you-want-to-eat tennis or anything, he just wouldn’t commit to a place.  I could only be so helpful because I was completely unfamiliar with the area where we were meeting.  It was a little like pulling teeth, and I hate pulling teeth.

[Actually, I’ve never pulled a tooth.  I was that kid that waited until my loose tooth fell out on its own (and didn’t sleep at night until it did because I was perpetually afraid I would swallow it or choke to death on it).  I have seen a tooth get pulled, though.  In Afghanistan.  I will never forget the sight (or the sound) of that event.   *shudders at memory*]

Recognizing my mood was not conducive to having a great time, I turned on Pandora to my Golden Oldies station and had a dance party in my bathroom while I got ready.  It helped.  It usually does.

My date was a gentleman, and as I sat at dinner, I realized that I would have a very hard time writing about it.  He was not polarizing.  He was just a good ol’ country boy who had a difficult time letting loose.  I wondered if he was in his own element, if things might be different… and considered if I wasn’t on a quest for 50 first dates whether I’d give him a second date.  And then I wondered what possesses people to go out of their element on a date in the first place?  Why not just invite someone to do something you enjoy?

I learned a lot about the technicalities of wild boar hunting in Florida on both public and private lands.  Walking seems to be the primary difference.  Also, boars smell bad.  And boar puns are easy to make and totally wasted on some people.

What's wrong?  You seem boar-ed.  Image credit here.
What’s wrong, deer? You seem boar-ed. Image credit here.

He and his friends drew tags last year to hunt alligators.  He showed me the pictures of the one they caught… at 11 feet, nine inches; it would have made a really nice hoodie for Sultan Kösen.

I asked him to tell me the story of the alligator hunt.  I received a technical description, right up until the exciting conclusion when the gator was being pulled onto the boat for the final death blow and his jaws snapped shut, barely missing the arm of one of the hunting companions!

[I might have made the very last part up, but that’s because it makes a better ending than “we put a stick near it’s mouth and he clamped down sharply”.  If your arm is holding the stick, then that gator barely missed your arm.  That’s all I’m saying.]

But hey, now I know where to drop off an alligator for processing post-hunt.

[There is a shed next to Dinosaur World in Plant City for which you need a code.  Incidentally, Dinosaur World itself could be a fun venue for a first date.]

At the end of the evening, I made up my mind to give him another opportunity someday (when/if I can find the time).  Or thought I had.  Until his suggestion of a second date involved grabbing something to eat.  Again.

**Let it be said [again] that when given the choice, I will always err on the side of “something” because dinner dates just aren’t my favorite thing.  Don’t get me wrong, I love food, but dinner dates are reminiscent of that dark time in human history predating the invention of the snarfblatt, and I prefer eating at home anyway [fresh food prepared at home always tastes better].





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8 Responses to 47 First Dates

  1. Walter says:

    Dinner dates are to weed out people who eat like ravenous bugblatter beasts of Traal. If they do, a cloth napkin can serve as a towel. Not so much a paper napkin from some places. Be sure to check out the size and opaqueness of the napkins before agreeing to meet someone. If things aren’t going well, I can all but guarantee hiding yourself under a napkin will cause your date to wander off and/or not ask for a second date.

    Of course, if they haven’t left and are also hiding under their napkin, a second date may be warranted. 😉

    And lest I forget, who wouldn’t want to see you again? You are definitely more interesting than a lonely room where empty days are gathering to meet me when you’re gone.*

    Dance party in your bathroom? I have a mental image that probably doesn’t do you justice. Something along the lines of Cameron Diaz’ dance in Charlie’s Angels, fuzzy slippers and all.

    What was the point I was trying to make again? Oh yeah, I’d be surprised if any of your 50 first dates didn’t want to see you again. You are just that bloody brilliant and not altogether totally unpleasant to look at.

    Disjointed thoughts much Walter?

    * (I can’t believe I’ve watched Xanadu more than once. And listened to the soundtrack featuring Electric Light Orchestra and Olivia Newton-John more than that.)

  2. Walter says:

    I doubt that you and I are the only ones who read your blog. Your awesomeness may scare a few people away. The rest read what I write and get scared away. It is a group effort.

    In the extremely unlikely event it is true, I do so appreciate your effort, your wit, your charm and well you.

  3. Ghazi says:


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